These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
