I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
