dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
