And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
