i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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