my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh god it's open bar.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
