honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
