okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
