Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
