So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
