I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
