she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
