She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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