walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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