oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
