Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
