Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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