fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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