someone threw a dead crab at me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
