you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
