And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
