he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
