Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
