Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
