I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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