getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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