remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
