I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize