Where is the hickey?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
