I wish I only lived at night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
