Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
