we have officially lost it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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