oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
