i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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