I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
