JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
