New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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