she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
