Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
