plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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