Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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