i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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