"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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