I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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