Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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