I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
