If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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