Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
