:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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