her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
