not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
