Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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