I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
