Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
