I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
