he told me I talked like a deaf person
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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