the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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