Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
