i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
