I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
