Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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