Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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