Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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