My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize