Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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