There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
