she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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