There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
