I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
