Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
