Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
