Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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