I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
